I Had An Abortion (Part I)

Note: "I Had An Abortion" was inspired by this post at Love, Joy, Feminism. Many thanks to Libby Anne for her thought-provoking writing. "I Had An Abortion" was originally published at my previous blog, and on this blog has been divided into parts and edited for clarity and length. You may view the original post here. 

A Positive Abortion Experience

My abortion experience was, I think, remarkably positive. Then again, maybe a positive abortion experience isn’t so remarkable, but unfortunately, because of the stigma attached to abortion, one only seems to hear the far right’s stories. You know: horrifically botched procedures, nurses who turn pro-life after witnessing an aborted fetus kick and gasp for air, women who suffer post-abortion depression, regret and wrenching guilt. I experienced none of that; in fact, I felt empowered by my choice.

I hope that someday I will have the courage to share my story in my own name (and wear one of those awesome I Had An Abortion t-shirts!) In the meantime, I’m just happy to put my narrative out there as an honest example of a positive abortion experience. I also think it's incredibly helpful for any woman considering an abortion to have access to narratives describing what actually happens during an abortion procedure, from a personal, rather than technical or clinical perspective.

Stigma

I was raised in a conservative Christian family, with a mother who votes strictly Republican, regardless of candidate, because she "doesn't agree with Democrat morals" (i.e., baby-killing). Although a member of the same church, my father is less vocal on the subject. He did in one conversation many years ago imply that he's pro-choice as a matter of public policy and pro-life, personally. Anyway, luckily for myself, I hashed out my own view on the subject before I was faced with an unintended pregnancy at twenty-eight.

Although I am married, my husband and I were in no position to be parents, recently having gone through some difficult times in our marriage, and myself still working through a pretty rough bout with depression and related health issues. I knew even before the pregnancy test made it official that I would be getting an abortion. When my husband returned from a business trip the next day and I informed him of my decision, I was relieved to find that he supported me completely. We had discussed this possibility before, but of course it's nice to know that theory and practice concur.

Not quite sure how to proceed next, I called my doctor's office, explained that I was pregnant and planning an abortion and asked to make an appointment with her. The nurse explained that I was welcome to see my doctor if I wanted, but that my doctor usually referred OB patients to the office next door. Not wanting to waste any time, I called the OB/GYN office. The conversation went something like this (ah, I was so naïve):

Me: Hello! Dr. C referred me to your office. I'm pregnant and I'm pretty sure I'd like to terminate the pregnancy. Can I make an appointment to be seen by one of the OBs?

Nurse: Hi! I can make an appointment for you. How far along are you?

Me: About four weeks LMP.

Nurse: Would [date] be ok?

Me: Do you have anything this week?

Nurse: Well, we don’t usually see new OB patients until about [X] weeks.

Me: I really would like to see a doctor as soon as possible. I'm going to terminate this pregnancy, and I don’t want to wait too long.

Nurse: [Pause. Change of tone.] You want an ABORTION?

Me: Yes.

Nurse: Oh, none of the doctors here do THAT. We can’t help you.

Me: Well… do you know which doctors in [city] do perform abortions? Can you refer to me to anyone?

Nurse: [Haughtily.] No, I don’t know of anyone who does THAT.

Me: Uh, thanks. Bye.

Hurdles

So, I called Planned Parenthood for a referral and was shocked to find it was necessary for them to confirm my pregnancy before even telling me the local abortion doctor's name. This is a safeguard against extremist pro-lifers obtaining information over the phone in order to harass, threaten or even make an attempt on the doctor's life. (Huh, that's ironic.) At my pregnancy test appointment I had another shock. I found out that, under state law, I would be required to receive "counseling" from the doctor, regarding my options, at least 24 hours before the procedure.

When my husband and I arrived at my “counseling” appointment, I carefully checked the sign to make sure I had the right place. The Planned Parenthood nurse had warned me not to confuse the abortion clinic with the similarly named pro-life organization across the parking lot. We rang the buzzer and were greeted at the door with requests for identification - yet another security precaution. After carefully checking our driver’s licenses against the appointment schedule, the receptionist stepped aside and allowed us to enter. I hadn’t realized that a cash deposit was due at the first appointment, so sending my husband out to find an ATM, I went in to see the doctor alone. My husband was disappointed, being that he wanted to support me as much as possible through this process, but I sensed that the doctor was relieved to speak to me alone. Perhaps he’s dealt with a few pushy partners in his time.  After going though the required information quickly, but thoroughly, he gave me an opportunity to ask questions and we chatted for a bit. He had a delightful, offbeat sense of humor.

(continued in Part II...)